Category: Crossing Over ¤
  Author: Jackie Hausinger ¤
   Title: Who's In Control? ¤

  I have been snowbound for the past 3 days and have made some progress
on reading past digests, and made the hard decision to delete all unread
ones before the first of the year.
  As I sort of looked at an overview and did some really condensed
thinking about clicktraining... I think I came up with one reason why
*I* am both fascinated (90%) and frustrated (10%) by it, at the same
time.
  For *ME* it is an issue of control. I like to have it, especially if I
think I am right. In other words, I am a bossy broad... I admit it! I
can always think of what any current authority figure is doing that is
ineffective, and what they ought to do to fix it.
  I have spent a great deal of time and energy keeping this facet of my
personality under (gulp) control. I really try to catch myself when I
feel that 'wave' sweep over me that "This situation is out of control!",
and the consequence of that... "I have to DO something about it!" I have
cultivated myself to channel this trait until I feel that at this point
in my life, I don't allow it to overwhelm relationships. I have learned
to LISTEN more than I talk, and maybe just offer one well thought out
(non-controlling) observation. I learned from a very wise woman that a
wonderful way to expand our horizons is to get beyond our concepts of
right/wrong good/bad.
  In clicker training the emphasis is on eliciting a behavior or
catching and rewarding an innate one from the animal themselves. The
animal cannot be *forced*, but must be shaped to reach a more
sophisticated type of behavior that is *ultimately* on the cue of the
handler, but coming from the animal itself. It takes time! Subtle
control... but vastly satisfying because of the cooperation present! It
encourages creativity by assuming that dogs (animals) are worthy of
respect and they respond to it with more and more responses that add to
the assumption! I want to say a feedback loop, but I am not sure that is
the right wording.
  Manipulation that is at once benign and *fun*! I love it.
  All my professed triumph over my bossiness is put to the test when I
am faced with something I want to control *NOW*. I want to yank, jerk,
yell, hit or anything I can think of to get 'submission' and 'obedience'
. A fast fix.
  I have realized that a fast fix for me, whether with a dog or a human
is almost always a result of my being a bully. I may get it fixed... but
the other party is now afraid, suspicious and resistant to any further
relationship.
  I HATE it when others have done this to me... so WHY have *I* done it?
In a word, it 'works'. Short term benefit, long term loss.
  My fiance has taught me a very good lesson. "If it's not a problem,
don't fix it. If it *IS* a problem, don't fix it until you understand
what is wrong." This gem was germinating in my mind when I got Sarah and
signed on to this list. A truly NEW way of thinking and relating to
others...
 The hardest thing for me to do is sit *quietly* (!) and observe things.
I WANT TO FIX THINGS! FAST! I think this is a result of having a father
that was unpredictably physically abusive in my early years... I felt if
I could fix things fast enough, it would prevent the outbursts. Now, I
have to fight that impulse frequently. Sigh! Seems like the old patterns
should disappear after one is an adult, but it hasn't seemed to in my
case. Even after the need for it is gone, the behavior remains.
  I have loved the long thoughtful posts in the past few days... so much
wisdom and so winsome and wholesome. Ah, like food for the soul!
  Bianca, remember to read your own tag line... success is a journey not
a destination! If you only reach ONE child, he may be the Gary Wilkes of
the future and all your work will have made that possible. I personally
expect you to affect many many children and their families... not to
mention the lives of the dogs involved. You are on a journey...
Warmly, Jackie & Sarah (Hey, mom! Give the dog a bone!)

--
If daffodils can push through mud and darkness
                to touch the sun,
             what then is impossible?
       Jackie Hausinger  LGAT29A@prodigy.com


--
Sat  01-17-1998  07:04
 -- Carol Whitney; Sooke BC, Canada